My Weight Loss Visual

Sunday, November 15, 2009

Anyone Else Feel This Way?

Self control, caring about what I look like, eating what I should and not what I want...

In the past, eating what I WANTED was what I should... all the new foods were interesting and good, and flavorful... now? I've eaten them all so much that I'm bored. I know that's one problem... the second? Stress. Lord above, STRESS is making me eat myself alive. There are parents out there who are just not reasonable... They have high expectations of either their own children or what my job SHOULD entail. I've literally been told that if I take in 130 essays on Friday, that I should have them handed back on Monday.
Um, really?
How many other people out there work 12+ hours a day (I only technically get paid for 6) and THEN on teh weekends spend every moment (it would be 14+ hours on the weekends) just to get the essays done? It takes me at least a half hour each essay to correct. That being said... do the math. 130 x 0.5 = 65 hours. NOT ENOUGH TIME. I refuse to do a poor job, for one thing, and secondly, my husband didn't marry the shut office door. He married me. So I deserve to be able to actually spend time with him - go for walks, go shopping. I DESERVE to go to the gym, see my friends Saturday night, read my book on Sunday. I spent 3 hours working on Sunday, took Saturday off, and I'll start again on Monday my day of 7:50 am - 5 pm work. But I deserve time, the end. I hate being told I'm not 'doing my job' when I'm doing the best I can... I know I'm a good teacher. My kids love me, my peers think I'm doing a great job, and my principal has told me that she'll do anything to keep me. But still... that one parent really causes me stress. I sometimes wish I felt a calling for some other career other than teacher, but there you have it.

So, somehow, when parent-teacher interviews pop up, I have to find instant release and relief. I literally have NO BREAKS (its a long story) but when I steal a bathroom break, I normally pop in and grab a chocolate muffin with a cookie and a brownie and SHOVEL them in my mouth without even TASTING THEM just to relieve the stress. It's horrible, and I hate myself even more. if I could bring my guitar with me to the staff room and play that before heading out... that would help. But I can't...

I'm tired of seeing 207 on the scale. I miss the 190's...

I need to get past this year somehow. Lord help me...

1 comment:

  1. Just wanted to say I've missed your posts and hope you are feeling better.